I was on the phone to my grandmother halfway across the world saying in another language ” I don’t like it here, no one likes me”
I was crying so much I wanted to puke, I was crying so much my head pulsed louder than my heartbeat.
I cried so much I now feel no emotion at all.
Before that I screamed and shouted, I swore out all my rage, the anger I’ve kept inside for so long, all the nerves I’ve felt, all the anxieties, (Not a good idea when you have a throat infection)
My aunty took me out shopping ‘to take my mind off it’
Yes I enjoyed myself, we had a starbucks, I window shopped, had conversations with my intelligent little cousin,
but once I got home I felt everything again,
I don’t even know how to explain it all, but I tried, and now I feel as though I’ve done something wrong.
I bummed around for a bit, but once my parents got home I went upstairs,
I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone, I didn’t want to understand it, I just wanted it to stop,
So I read, and cried a little more, until I fell asleep,
which brings me to today, where I am lost, emotionless and tired, hungry yet nauseous, avoiding everyone and everything.
I guess this is what it feels like after a storm, or an earthquake, you don’t really know what to do, do you?