I remember all the times I cried down the phone to you,
I remember all the times you listened patiently to my complaining,
I remember staring at the moon, my hands shaking, hearing your voice for the first time, my stomach doing backflips, my mind going wild,
In a way, you were there for me, though not physically, I was in your embrace, always.
People change. I know that now. But somewhere under this soldier’s mask, I still see you, I still love you, the you that made me laugh by telling me lame jokes, the you that called me beautiful in a manner that I believed it.
You’re following your father’s footsteps, I’ve always admired you for that, for your undeniable respect, the way you see things in a way no one else does,
I will never be able to tell you all this, I’m just too cowardly, or maybe I just don’t want to tell you because I don’t want to break your heart, your beautiful artist’s heart, maybe I repect you too much.
I am a pacifist, I hate violence, and you’re becoming a soldier, how ironic!
I remember being absolutely fascinated by your art, the raw pain could be seen, it broke my heart, but made me love you even more,
You always believed in me, even when I was a foolish child, when I didn’t see the world for what it was but what I wished it to be,
You would always listen, no matter how petty my problems were, you used to listen.
Now you have no time. You have no time even for yourself, that breaks my heart, you have no time to be yourself,
See you break my heart over and over, but you still manage to sprinkle magic over my sight, your crazy ass magic, I love that,
You didn’t even realise how deep the cracks in my heart became, I can’t blame you for my selfishness, because I didn’t see you changing so fast, though it was right in front of me,
Your stupid jokes, your stupid voice, your stupid paragraphs, your stupid philosophies, your stupid conspiracies,
You still remain on my mind, every second, every breath I dare take,
I don’t cry over you, I won’t let myself, because I know you’d hate that, you’d never forgive yourself for hurting me,
You have eyes that can see into my soul, it both thrills and scares me, I love that,
Your soul must be so old, so surreal, so unique, it must be made of irridescent shards of glass,
I couldn’t take it anymore, you not having time, you not making time for me.
So I made the worst mistake in my life,
I am sorry.