I’ve decided to start using my diary again, it really helps clearing my head, and I found this inside it, it’s a collage of some doodles I did during a long ago mock exam, I think it’s weird how in a hall, completely silent, my brain was buzzing with all of this,
it’s cool too,
This is from my ‘philosphy’ book, I wrote it after feeling incredibly awake :’) spiritually I mean, I’m never entirely awake really,
I’ve been awake for 2 hours and I’ve achieved NOTHING,
Wow I need to get my shit together, tomorrow it’s back to school and quite possibly the first day of Ramadhaan,
for those of you who don’t know,
Ramadhaan means 23 hours without food, drink and sex, (not that I’d have sex anyways XD )
It means bettering yourself spiritually, praying, staying up all night, reading the Quraan, giving up bad habits like backbiting, lying, swearing, it means no music for me, no movies, nothing but God, studying and of course books :’)
I hope to better myself this year, I say this every year, but really, this time I’m not going to give up after 2 weeks, I’m going to finish Ramadhaan a better woman than I am now.
It’s now 9:19am on a Sunday morning,
I’m in the PJ’s I wore all day yesterday, wow I’ve let myself go :’) my coffee’s gone cold too, I need to really get my shit together,
My sister’s still sleeping and she just said “shhhh”
Well I’m sorry I can’t type quieter now can I?!
I realised the other day how little information I give about myself to my friends,
one of my friends with whom I’ve been friends for around 3 years, made me realise this, he said “Here I am assuming we’re best friends and I barely know anything about you”
This is what he said after he found out I’m British and was born in England :’)
I mean he knows a lot about me but somehow he came to the conclusion I’m Malawian,
So I was wondering if I should open up more? I used to tell people things about myself openly, but now I really don’t, I wonder how long I’ve been closed off for, how could I have not realised?
I mean I stopped writing for so long and I didn’t even realise,
I blog frequently, I seem to tell you guys more than I tell my closest friends,
it that necessarily bad? I’ve been doing that so I don’t become a sobbing, pathetic mess, because when I open up, I say too much, or worse, I say the wrong things,
and I tend to push people away,
so isn’t it better if I just carry on being the cold sarcastic bitch I am now, (I refer to myself as a bitch because I really stopped caring who gets offended when I declare my opinions, I’m really quite a nice person, please don’t tell me off for demeaning myself, I’m not)
Let’s do some maths!
Enoy your Sunday everyone! ❤