I Was Supposed To Be A Fairy

01:16

I made very wise decisions for my sehri today (sehri is the meal Muslims have in the early hours before fasting)

I ate:

A cupcake – my baby cousin turned 2 yesterday! TWO ALREADY, I FEEL SO OLD,

Jelly and Ice cream – I have a sore throat and the ice cream helped,

I drank:

One mug of warm-ish milk, I couldn’t be bothered waiting for the microwave to fully warm it up,

One mug of Earl Grey Lavender Tea, scalding hot, after jelly and ice cream it made my throat feel funny, I don’t think that was a very good idea….

I downed a 330ml bottle of water,

I’m kind of experimenting with what I should and shouldn’t eat for sehri, yesterday I was over de-hydrated thus the falling asleep in exams shenanigans, so I drank more fluids today,

I should do something about my protein levels too…. stop eating as many carbs and replace them with nuts maybe?

Hmmm, I should go to bed soon, I think I may be getting ill, why always this time of year? It’s supposed to be summer! Body listen to me! You’re supposed to get ill in Winter! -_-

Akh my body has shit timing,

I’ve realised my subtle love for butterflies, after making the origami ones I’ve now seen butterfly prints on my bags and scarfs…. haha how did I not notice?

I wonder who came up with the name, Butter Flies,

Before I knew what butterflies were I thought they were fairies :3 This was probably when I was like 2 or 3, I don’t even know how I remember that,

I’ve always wanted to be a fairy, it would be so awesome, with fairy dust and being tiny and beautiful, I’m not sure why that idea has always seemed cool to me,

Maybe I just want wings.

01:32

{wifi’s just gone off so I must post this later today because I’m too lazy to fix it}

22:03

I’m carrying this post on, I slept at around half 2 this morning, I was dead to the world when I woke up,

Great news guys! I’m ill. -_-

Like really, my nose decides to become a snot factory IN THE MIDDLE OF EXAMS AND RAMADHAAN, my throat burns up and I constantly feel like I’m about to have a nose bleed along with a massive headache, brilliant!

I feel like God’s laughing at me,

I did make butteflies in all my frees today, I had the idea to string them all together and hang them in hoboville AKA music 🙂 {where my squad and I hang out}

The day started off okay, and I actually had some fun at school, but there was always this underlying feeling like I was going to crash soon, and I guess it’s come now,

I feel like crying but no tears are there,

I hate feeling like this, I want to be positive and be happy, but my stupid mind won’t let me,

I snapped at my mum and my little brother, I said some cruel things, shit I’m a bad person,

this little voice in my head kept nagging me when I was setting the table

“That cup isn’t meant to go there, no that plate isn’t the right one, no you’re not meant to put the spoon inside the chutney, the water bottle’s out of place, that tray of fruit should be straight, etc etc”

and I decided not to wash my own plate because I knew I’d end up scrutinising it,

It was just going on and on and on, I was trying to shut it up but my mum was nagging at me too and my little brother was making shit loads of noise, it’s not his fault I know it’s his autism, but it’s so annoying!

So I snapped.

It was the switch again, it keeps happening, *flick*I’m a total bitch, *flick* I’m a bubbly girl again, *flick* I want to cry now, *flick* everyone fuck off already,

it’s more than annoying, it’s disrupting my life now, akh my stupid brain -_-

I want to know what’s wrong with me, but for that I’m going to have to wait 2 years, because I don’t want my parents to know,

aaaaaaaaaaaargh it’s like a humongous circle, these stupid thoughts,

I think I might stress clean, my room has been a pigsty for a couple of months now and I need to clean it because that’s another thing bugging me,

And breathe…….

If I was a fairy, none of this would bother me so much, I’d just go about my business, being pretty or something,

I really wish I was a fairy, growing up utterly sucks,

I’m not sure how I should wrap this post up,

Does anyone have any idea how I can ignore the voices in my head? How I can just block them out without snapping at anyone?

I have a biology exam tomorrow, I hate biology but I found out I managed to get an A in my mock, God knows how that happened, let me try and replicate that tomorrow….

haha very funny, I hate biology, it’s like how most people find maths hard, I find biology hard in that way,

*sigh* I’d better stop typing absolute bullshit,

Everyone pray I become a fairy soon! Please! I’m done with life!

22:42

❤