I just had a spark of energy and I wasted it on a short walk down the road with my little brother,
I have no idea why I went with him, spur of the moment probably, but I began to smile after walking with him, he really is good company,
I felt overwhelmed with sadness for no particular reason, so I saw my brother leaving the house and told him I’d go too,
and for a while I was okay, but now it’s back and it’s bugging me,
I feel as though I’m easily replaced, like I’m nothing special, coming to the end of high school I realise how easily people forget me, this may sound vain but it’s how I’m feeling,
for example when you have a really close friend, and then they become close to someone else, and you’re pushed out of the picture, it sucks, it sucks real bad,
and I know that’s just life, but still, why can’t people let me down gentler? I’m sensitive even though I try to hide it, my life is just a prolonged “smile and wave boys smile and wave” but deep down there’s so much more,
but they should know, as close friends, they should know what hurts you,
shouldn’t they care a little bit more?
I for one try my best not to drift from people, even if it’s been months since I’ve seen the person, I still act like nothing’s changed, I like to act like that, I like making other people feel loved,
so why can’t people do the same back? Put in the same effort?
Argh, I sound so bitchy,
is it just me that feels like that though?
I hate it. I’m beginning to despise myself again,
I got the worlds worst and best advice from someone “At the end of the day you’re alone, and you have to deal with your problems alone, you are going to die alone, no one will die with you, that’s just life”
It hurts. But I guess I have to suck it up and just deal.
Because I’m better than the sobbing mess I was last year, I’m better than that.
I know I am.