Do you ever get tired of everything?
Tired of waking up, tired of eating, tired of sleeping,
tired of life.
That’s how I’ve felt recently, like there really is no point, and I am just a waste of space.
Don’t pity me.
Yesterday I pushed away my boyfriend, to such an extent that I blocked his number, and ignored his existence completely
I forgot I had him on facebook too, always a way to get to me, always.
It was all just getting too much, everything piling on top of me, more and more and more, and I just couldn’t deal with his constant questioning anymore.
I unblocked him after a couple of hours because I missed annoying him so much, I kept picking my phone up only to realise I had no one to bug :’)
I keep feeling like utter shit, for no reason at all, and I reallllly need to sort that out,
There is no time for that shit.
2 days ago was the 3 year anniversary of my almost suicide,
That’s the reason really, it keeps gnawing at me and the voices get louder, telling me over and over that I should’ve died, I should’ve done it.
I’m a mess.
I know, I’m ruining all the happy vibes of christmas, new year’s beginning soon,
but I have to get rid of this feeling,
I need to be happy Me again,
I’m going to start new, all over again, what better time to start?
I’m just going to focus on finishing all this work, doing well in upcoming exams, getting back to my good shape (I’ve been eating so so so much this holiday and I’m seriously concerned)
The only two people I talk to all day everyday are my boyfriend and my little cousin A,
A and I got close during our road trip to Zambia, I say little, he’s only 3 years younger than me and we get along really well, which is peculiar because I used to ignore his existence before,
meep, strange things do happen I guess.
I’d better wrap this up before the laptop dies on me,
I need to start fresh, and I need to be me again, and I have no clue how, but intentions count for something, right?
I hope you all had a brilliant christmas, hanukkah, or just a sunday,
I hope you all have a fantastic 2017,
and I love you all for reading and tolerating my mess of a blog.