beingyoung · help · lifelesson · lifestuff · poetry · Random

Cutting Ties

I cried so much my eyes look
Bruised

I cried so much the sky no longer looks
Blue

My heart broke in two,
My soul lies there on the floor,

Whilst the voices in my head come
Knock-Knock
Knocking on my door,

Here they come again,
My old best friends,

The demons in my mind,
Dancing with delight
At the sigh of me

Melting

Crumpled, huddled over,

Stab wounds in my chest,
Giving up the fight,

But once more the flashlight

Blinds me

Finds me

Hides me from the cruel cruel world,

I am no longer a hopeless girl,

Here I lie,

Here I fight,

My heart taped together,
My eyes shining bright,

Cutting ties with the thoughts in my mind.


I wrote this after my breakdown today,

I didn’t really understand what was going on, I just had this urge to write,

and I did,

and ya know what,

it’s not that bad mate 🙂

beingyoung · lifestuff · Random

Oops, I procrastinated all holiday, YET AGAIN

I left everything to last minute because that’s just what I always do!!! And now I’m rushing everything,

I’m still doing my EPQ and it seems to be taking forever,

I am in SO much trouble tomorrow, I have EPQ lesson, I have a trig test, I have a stats paper due 😥

Lord help me,

I’m so screwed, and what am I doing? Sipping tea, blogging, listening to podcasts

brilliant,

wish me luck! ?

beingyoung · lifestuff · poetry · Random

Plucking Up The Courage

I finally made a poetry page on Instagram!!!!!!

I know it will flop but hey, it’s worth a shot,

realising just how much poetry has an effect on my life I thought why the heck not! I mean I need to start writing again, it helps me with my thoughts and feelings and emotions and all that gooey icky scary stuff,

Thing is, as soon as I made it I felt shit,

utterly shit, because something inside me tells me my poetry is bad, useless, pointless, and I’m really just lying to myself about being a secret poet,

it sucks really,

I just cried about it,

I’m still crying about it,

God, I’m getting so frustrated, can I not just for once be happy about something minor and not feel bad about it?!

Stupid brain,

Stupid heart,

I named it after my blog, because even though I’ve neglected this place for so long, it still means a lot to me, it has made me, me, to be honest,

and I want to thank you all for helping me become myself, and all your continuous support.

I just want to have a bath right now and forget about all my emotions,

I shall check in later?

Oh, go and have a snoop if you’d like and give me feedback! No matter how harsh! The name is : an_enigmatic_wanderer

thank you ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

beingyoung · lifestuff · Random

Assam Tea, Breakdowns & Life en Général

So!

I is back guys, I has been gone so long I’ve forgotten how this whole thing works,

I’ve decided to come back because I need an outlet I need somewhere to let loose, and I haven’t used my diary since last year because I’m just too lazy to get up and get a pen and write,

That is also the reason why I haven’t been writing poetry in what seems like forever, also one of the many things stressing me out

lol -_-

I’m currently on my Easter break from school, which isn’t really a break for me because all I seem to be doing is wasting my days and then feeling guilty about it when in fact I have a lot of work to do, don’t tell me off, there are reasons,

a.) I’m lazy
b.) I’ve been having bad moodswings lately, to be frank at the beginning of this holiday I stayed in bed for 3 days straight struggling to cope, thank God for that one person who never leaves me and always has my back,
c.) I’m lazy
d.) I was catching up on sleep
e.) I has had migraine
f.) I’M LAZY OKAY?!

so yeah I forgot where I was going with this,

uhmmmm,

right a levels! Life!

Yesterday I went to somas house, it was fun, a break from my room, my brain, my demented thoughts, it was me, her and tay, the other squad member couldn’t make it because she was away,

oh yeah, our squad (the hobos) decreased by one person, not because of death! *Eye roll* because she pissed us off and we no longer see her fit to be in our squad, (WOW I SOUND LIKE SUCH A MEAN PERSON, oh wait, I am a mean person)

so theres literally 4 of us and 1 gf whom I’m not really sure is in our squad or na,

it’s complicated,

ANYWAYS,

so the breakdowns thing, I feel I really should go get help at school or something, like get a counselor, but I’m worried they won’t take me seriously because I’ve not been properly diagnosed with any mental illness or anything, but I’m worried that my mind will get in the way of me doing the very best I can at school, madressah and in life.

I keep getting distracted,

assam tea is what I’ve replaced coffee with, I haven’t had coffee in dayssss

YAY FOR ME

remember when  I used to have 4 cups a day lolololol

I’ve realised I cry at least once almost everyday, I’m not sure if that’s like okay or not, but whatever at least I’m not having full on panic attacks or anything,

recently I’ve had quite a few issues with friends, like I’ve never had issues with these people, but lately it has happened and I was like WHAT THE FUDGE THESE PEOPLE NEVER DO THIS WHAT WHATTTTTTT, but then I sorted it so everything is fine,

I guess sometimes we just forget to talk about things, just letting things out of our minds, but yeah I think I dealt pretty good, didn’t really let it get to me much,

hmmm, being 17 is so weird, I just want school to be over already, but at the same time I’m just so scared, scared of what the future looks like, because truly I have no real idea of what the hell I want to do anymore,

I feel like nothing is really in my control, that I have to please everyone else,

and that is wrong I know, I know the world is supposedly my oyster and all that shit, but it doesn’t feel that way to me,

I don’t want to be depressing but that’s just how I feel,

Trump needs to stop blowing places up, people need to stop being so damn racist, sexist, STUPID, the world needs a fix,

I need to actually do some work now guys, at least a tiny miny bit,

so I hope you guys missed me? You probably didn’t, you’ve probably forgotten all about my crazy blog, but I hope you guys are all well and healthy and happy,

Have a great weekend ❤