I don’t get many views, I don’t get many likes,
from blogging every sunday morning and throughout the week, I’ve now gone to blogging like once a month? If that,
I have been sad
really really sad
for five days or more,
it feels like forever
it always feels like forever,
and there’s no real reason, no reason at all, I just feel my heart breaking every day, and I know that sounds bloody poetic, but it isn’t.
Thank God for my boyfriend for always always dragging me out of the hole, the pit that I dig to bury myself in.
I feel bad, I feel really bad,
I treat people like shit, I forget that they have emotions and feelings and problems too.
Now I’ve turned into someone I’m not, I’m turning into a mean bitch that really doesn’t care about anything at all, that sees no point in school, madressah, life.
I just don’t feel that’s me. That isn’t me at all.
I used to make people smile.
I used to be interesting, fun, joyful, a burst of sunshine,
now I’m just blending in,
and that isn’t me at all.
I have so so much to do!
My dad promised to buy my car and pay for insurance if I learn to drive in a year, which is gonna drain me,
over summer I shall:
learn to cook,
read read read, the whole library if possible,
do the theory bit of my driving,
revise, study everything so I make it easier for next year,
enjoy my life.
I’m gonna change, I’m gonna be happier and I’m gonna sort my life out,
I’m gonna work hard to get into a good university,
I’m gonna get back to reading a book every 2 days,
I’m gonna live.
You know what, I need to write, I need to go shopping and buy some colourful shoes, so everywhere I walk I’m walking on literal sunshine,
I need to write, that is the most important thing, I need to make myself happy, without anything or anyone else,
I need to get closer to God, I need to build that bridge again, because without God nothing is anything really.
~If God Wills.
PS: Danny, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything wrong I’ve ever said or done, I’m sorry for being so self centered and not being a very nice person at all. I love you as a brother, and I’m sorry that I have been what I have been.