beingyoung · lifestuff · Random

I’ll be okay, bub, I’ll be okay.

So guys,

I don’t get many views, I don’t get many likes,
from blogging every sunday morning and throughout the week, I’ve now gone to blogging like once a month? If that,

I have been sad

really really sad

for five days or more,

it feels like forever

it always feels like forever,

and there’s no real reason, no reason at all, I just feel my heart breaking every day, and I know that sounds bloody poetic, but it isn’t.

Thank God for my boyfriend for always always dragging me out of the hole, the pit that I dig to bury myself in.

I feel bad, I feel really bad,

I treat people like shit, I forget that they have emotions and feelings and problems too.

Now I’ve turned into someone I’m not, I’m turning into a mean bitch that really doesn’t care about anything at all, that sees no point in school, madressah, life.

I just don’t feel that’s me. That isn’t me at all.

I used to make people smile.

I used to be interesting, fun, joyful, a burst of sunshine,

now I’m just blending in,

and that isn’t me at all.

I have so so much to do!

My dad promised to buy my car and pay for insurance if I learn to drive in a year, which is gonna drain me,

over summer I shall:

learn to cook,

read read read, the whole library if possible,

do the theory bit of my driving,

live,

revise, study everything so I make it easier for next year,

enjoy my life.

I’m gonna change, I’m gonna be happier and I’m gonna sort my life out,

I’m gonna work hard to get into a good university,

I’m gonna get back to reading a book every 2 days,

I’m gonna live.

You know what, I need to write, I need to go shopping and buy some colourful shoes, so everywhere I walk I’m walking on literal sunshine,

I need to write, that is the most important thing, I need to make myself happy, without anything or anyone else,

I need to get closer to God, I need to build that bridge again, because without God nothing is anything really.

~If God Wills.

PS: Danny, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything wrong I’ve ever said or done, I’m sorry for being so self centered and not being a very nice person at all. I love you as a brother, and I’m sorry that I have been what I have been.

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