beingyoung · lifelesson · lifestuff · Random

Everyday is A Chocolate Digestive

Chocolate digestives have 2 sides,

the chocolate,

the plain,

I have no idea why anyone would buy a pack of plain digestives,

I mean EW

The thing with chocolate digestives is, that you dunk it into your tea and it tastes delicious, the chocolate and the plain, together, as one,

and that folks, is what everyday is like,

you have the plain, or the bad moments,

then you have the chocolate, delicious moments,

and both of them together is what makes the digestive, the digestive.

 

beingyoung · help · lifelesson · lifestuff · poetry · Random

Cutting Ties

I cried so much my eyes look
Bruised

I cried so much the sky no longer looks
Blue

My heart broke in two,
My soul lies there on the floor,

Whilst the voices in my head come
Knock-Knock
Knocking on my door,

Here they come again,
My old best friends,

The demons in my mind,
Dancing with delight
At the sigh of me

Melting

Crumpled, huddled over,

Stab wounds in my chest,
Giving up the fight,

But once more the flashlight

Blinds me

Finds me

Hides me from the cruel cruel world,

I am no longer a hopeless girl,

Here I lie,

Here I fight,

My heart taped together,
My eyes shining bright,

Cutting ties with the thoughts in my mind.


I wrote this after my breakdown today,

I didn’t really understand what was going on, I just had this urge to write,

and I did,

and ya know what,

it’s not that bad mate 🙂

advice · beingyoung · lifelesson · lifestuff · Random

You Don’t Get To Do That

Recently I turned down an offer to be part of a blogging series, initially I’d said yes, but with increasing pressures from school and madressa, I had to say no,

When I write, especially for blogging, I hate it when it’s rushed, because that makes it seem less important than what it actually is. 

But that’s not the point of this post.

By saying no, I created a barrier to blogging, I made it so that I feared the words typed on my screen, I got scared because somewhere in the back of my mind I thought “Is your blog even important to you anymore? Do you care?” 

And because I haven’t been blogging as frequently as I used to, it really got to me, so I just ignored the blue app on my phone screen, just pretended I never had a blog to start with. 

But then  I realised, no. You don’t get to do that. That’s not fair. You started this thing for a reason, you can’t let anyone or anything take that away from you, you can’t let that happen. Just because you don’t write as much, just because the poetry in your mind has been temporarily muted, doesn’t mean you get to quit.

This blog isn’t my life, it isn’t my source of soul solace, it is my opt out. I can write anything on here   anonymously and not get judged or looked at weirdly, I can rant, scream, cry, I can truly be myself.

And nothing and no one should ever make me feel like I’m not worthy of doing so. 

beingyoung · islam · lifelesson · lifestuff

It’s okay to start again…. Right?


I woke up to this ❤️

I’ve been awake for an hour and a half, I am incredibly bored

I must go bath!

I just go pray!

But no, here I am blobbing, drinking coffee, being a teenager addicted to social media…. 

Oh well,

[Madressa is Islamic school, sorta, my Madressa is where I will become an aalima, someone very knowledgable in Islam, therefore I learn Arabic and Urdu as part of my course, at the end of this lengthy course I get a  BA honours in the Arabic Language & Islamic theology, technically I’m doing a university course. I go to Madressa from 5pm to 8pm Monday-Friday and 9am to 12pm on Saturdays.]

It was my second day of Madressa yesterday and I’m getting incredibly bored what with repeating the whole year again, but hopefully I’m going to find this year REALLY easy, because it’s stuff I’ve done before.

Apparently I do have the option to resit my exams if I plead and beg, but no thanks. (Shush don’t tell my parents)

To be honest I want to do the year again, last year was so hectic with it being my final year of high school, I barely paid any attention in class, I somehow managed to get through to the end of the year, I did get reprimanded a few times but that was my fault for being a blob and not doing my homework. :/ 

If I simply resat my exams I’d feel like I was cheating, 

My Madressa course is 7 years and my parents are quite annoyed that I’ve made it 8 now but in my mind it’s not about how long I take, it’s about the fact that I know my shit properly not half half tutti frutti,

This year I’m going to start my A levels and everyone’s told me they’re shit hard so I’d rather not add stress to my life, I haven’t quit and everyone should be thankful that I didn’t have a tantrum and refuse to go back to Madressa ever again,

This year I want Madressa to really make a difference to me, until now I’ve just coasted along, learning Arabic and Urdu randomly because I’m supposedly good at languages,

But this year I want to properly pay attention and truly LEARN something. Truly change my life accordingly.

Any ways I’d better go do work, bath, pray etc

It is Friday, the auspicious day, 

I bid you farewell!

❤️ xxx

beingyoung · lifelesson · lifestuff · Random

I Owned Every Second That This World Could Give

Today I went to another memorial thingy for the MP who died recently,

I was shocked at the turnout, the whole market square was full to the brim and more people kept arriving,

this got me thinking,

about death,

about life,

I mean they come hand in hand, one promises the other,

I always wonder what comes after, before I was so consumed in that enquiry that I never appreciated what comes before,

from a young age my dad taught me to live my life to its fullest, because life is incredibly short,

however as I got older, the magic between my dad and I evaporated, leaving only traces here and there,

and I forgot to live in the moment for a while,

everything was either moving too slow or too fast,

I was never really in the present,

it was sickening because I forgot the most important things in life, it was self destruction,

slowly I was crumbling, falling further into the void I created,

until the void stopped, and I stared up at the blinking lights at the top, wondering what I had done, why I had done so,

And I realised I must climb back up,

so that is what I’m doing,

recovering.

So from now on I try to live, and continuously climb the void, I may slip a few times, but the point is I reach the light where I once lived.

 

advice · beingyoung · help · lifelesson · lifestuff · Random

A Letter To Myself

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Often now you feel overwhelmed with what you are to do with your future, decisions you make now will affect your future 5, even 10 years from now, and that is scary, crazy,

You’re 16. Just 16, though you feel like you’ve lived for far too long already,

people your age have done amazing things, and yet here you are, clasically average in your ways,

people your age have done treacherous things, and yet here you are, clasically average in your ways,

right now, is what inevitably matters, the present, wallowing in the past won’t do good, and being 2 steps ahead can be good sometimes but can also be poisonous,

so I give this advice to you, live for now, let tomorrow come at its own pace, running ahead, you might trip, whilst lagging behind will make life harder,

do what you’re able to do, don’t get stuck on what you can’t do,

do what you love and life will get easier, passion in work makes it feel like it’s not work at all, and the product will be much better if you pour your heart into the process,

laugh, make memories, take photos, give love,

live.

Let go of all the negative baggage you’ve made yourself to carry, stand tall, give out the energy you wish to recieve,

You keep telling others to do this, but when will you tell yourself? Just stop for a minute, you’ve become lost because you’re always rushing to the next step,

you must stop pretending to be fine, really, it’s okay not to be okay, you should let yourself off the hook, really, you’re not as bad as you think you are, you could be far worse,

so please, stop beating yourself up about the smallest things,

just write what comes to mind, stop thinking so much about it, you’re becoming your worst enemy, and after so long trying to fix that, why are you going back to your old ways? Come on, you’re far better than that.

Just breathe, let life take you,

and hand in hand with happiness,

you’ll do amazing things,

trust me.

 

 

beingyoung · lifelesson · lifestuff · Random

A Lost Home.

happysad

For those of you who don’t know me very well yet,

I spent my first year of highschool in Malawi (Summer 2012- Summer 2013) , I live in England permanently, but this was like a try before buy,

so I was left in Malawi for a year with my Grandma,

and hell that was the best year of my life, I’m not joking,

It hurts me a lot to wonder what would have happened if I had stayed,

see yesterday, it was my class’ graduation ceremony over there,

and I wonder, what it would have been like if I was there,

would I be who I am now?
would I have learnt all the things I know now?

I’m seeing all their photos, they look so grown up, so different to how I remember them all, I guess we all grew up, I guess that’s life,

but apart from my best friends, do any of them remember me? Because I remember them frequently, it’s sad to say, but I do. I miss my life there, it was so good I couldn’t see at the time how good I had it, I sometimes even think my best friends don’t remember me either

This is making me feel really shitty, maybe I should stop typing,

but I do wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed,

I’d probably have a phone, I’d probably have written more about poverty than politics, I would have been more tanned, I would have been a healthier person, I wouldn’t have a blog, but probably some sort of a diary, or whatnot, I wouldn’t be so mentally fucked up, I would have fallen in love with different people, I would have been a different person,

I need to remember not to get stuck in my brain,

those who really matter to me will remember me, I mean I’m not the centre of the universe, people have lives to live,

*sigh*

I should just let it go,

When I visit in August, it will be fun, yes,

but that place is no longer home.