But Cool Nonetheless

I spent the day doing some work, eating some Ikea biscuits and writing,

I say work, I mean absolutely nothing in reality,

meh, I have 5 more days, (I say this now, watch me stress later)

My little brother and sister managed to make a whole £3!!!

They moved all the way to the post office :’) Idek how they got the table and stools up there, but they did,

My mum was furious, I was just intrigued as to who bought candy from a 7 and 8 year old :’)

Anywho, I was listening to Eminem again, he always gets me writing cool depressing shit, but cool nonetheless,

Read his beautiful prose *___*

And the fangs been out since then
But up until the instant that I went against it
It was ingrained in me that I wouldn’t amount to a shitstain I thought
No wonder I had to unlearn everything my brain was taught
Do I really belong in this game? I pondered
I just wanna’ play my part, should I make waves or not?

I was a… afraid to make a single sound
Afraid I would never find a way out
Afraid I’d never be found
I don’t wanna’ go another round
An angry man’s power will shut you up
Trip wires fill this house with tip toed love
Run out of excuses for everyone
So here I am and I will not run

Guts over fear ❤

Yeah so I have to go to mosque now and hopefully not get in trouble,

see ya when I see ya!

Feeling Old.

So my younger brother and sister have set up a ‘shop’ across the road,
it is shit freeizing out there,
I say they’ll be back inside within 10 minutes,

my sister hasn’t even brushed her hair :’)

They’re screaming “anybody want some sweets” and I can hear it from my living room,

don’t they know, no one takes candy from strangers. XD

Lord I will torture them with this when they’re 18/19,

It makes me feel so old just watching them,

At least they aren’t zombie kids, glued to phones/ipads.

I did the same thing with my older brother when I was that age, but of course back then children used to play outside and we made some dosh,

yep, they’re going to get bored soon,

I need to get back to doing work.

Adios ❤

I Am.

Why do I feel this way?

I had a perfectly good day, I had fun, why do I still feel like this?

Like utter shit, like crying my eyes out, like dying?

Why?

Why didn’t I do any work today even though I know I have to?

Why do I not seem to give a shit anymore?

Why is my head a blur and my thoughts a train I can never catch?

Why is my heart a mosaic and my life lost in darkness?

I just want it to shutup, my brain, my mind, I want it to let me work in peace, let me do what I want without overthinking everything, every damn thing.

I feel like I’ve written this a hundred times in a different way, do you think all writers feel this way?

I feel like my mind’s whizzing and whirring 100 miles an hour and I can barely remember what I was thinking 2 seconds ago,

is that normal?

No. Nothing is.

I feel as though I’m not really going to amount to much, but those that will know me, 5, 10 years down the road will know there’s no one else like me, but I won’t be deemed ‘successful’ in the eyes of others,

I feel as though I’ll be in some remote village, with the one I love, a beautiful house and beautiful children and not give a fuck about the past anymore,

At least that is where I want to be,

That is where I want to be.

So what’s stopping me?

Oh but of course. I am.

 

 

Making My Own Sunshine.

Because if there’s none in the sky, you gotta make your own 😉

Cheering myself up with class, going to the cityyyyyyyyy XD

Yay for me,

hope you’re all enjoying your bank holiday! ❤

I Will Get What I Want.

I am sick of people thinking they know what’s best for me,

no I’m not directing this at anyone, giving me advice is one thing, telling me to change my dreams is another,

AAAAAAAAAAARGH,

because people like that partially crush my dreams,

I know I have a brain, a really good brain, that thinks differently to everyone else’s,

but what if I don’t use it to its maximum you know?

It hurts me to think like this,

to think, writing is going to change something,

okay even if I get to be a bestseller,

it won’t change anything,

I feel so useless right now, I might be in a funk, but this has happened before and I remember clearly the hole I dug and the coffin I built,

I can’t write beautiful things anymore, and what am I if I can’t write?

It could be a lack of inspiration, it may come back

but what if it doesn’t? If it doesn’t I have nothing left, my soul has no way of coming out.

Moments like these make me want to get high and forget about everything,

or die.

Argh so melancholy!

and I have no one to tell about all this, no one who will completely understand ME, as a whole,

it sucks, it all fucking sucks,

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore, I don’t understand what I’m doing or why I’m doing it, why am I writing this?

It will get easier, I will write, somehow, I will force the words out of me if I have to

I’ll get everything I’ve dreamed of and more,

no one can stop me,

but me,

right?

 

Good Will Hunting

This movie has just blown my mind

I just ADORE IT

IT TAUGHT ME SO MUCH

EVERYONE GIVE UP 2 HOURS OF YOUR DAY TO WATCH IT

NOW!!!!!!!

 

Commiserating

When you have no plans so you go to the library just to return books,

that’s how sad I am.

I DIDN’T MAKE PLANS FOR TODAY, I FEEL SO LOST,

so I may end up cleaning my room, I’ve let it get to where you can’t see the floor anymore…..

I’m so bored I’m getting mad for no reason, it’s bad for me to be bored, and before I was going to do a long ass post on absolutely nothing, but the blank screen scared me so I didn’t

I really have no clue what’s up with me lately, I’m a mess, but I’m managing, somehow, no one has entirely realised yet,

I told my first best friend yesterday when I couldn’t sleep because of bad thoughts, my brain kep telling me STUPID BULLSHIT, making me want to cry and cut,

don’t worry I did neither, I fell asleep somehow, I couldn’t cry, I just kept seeing the past replaying over and over, bad things that have happened,

I woke up and forgot for like an hour, then remembered it all again,

see I don’t know why this is happening, my life’s cool right now, I was over all that,

but it still haunts me, my goddamn demons still chase me,

I wonder when they’ll stop.

 

 

I’m Not A Bitch But….

We didn’t have cake, but we did stuff ourselves! XD

My teeth were aching due to the overdose on sugar but hey, it was worth it, Miss is indeed a legend,

Today was mostly a waste but a nice waste of a day, because one of the people I dislike the most didn’t come to school! That may sound like a bitchy thing to say, but think about it, I didn’t have to have any negative energy today, because of one person being absent. 🙂

I look cute, I mean I’m wearing my favourite floral blazer, all black dress and leggings and a bright yellow scarf, THE SHEER AMOUNT OF COMPLIMENTS I GOT TODAY XD

I now have to look over all the stuff for the exam at madressa today so I’d better be off,

also I’m craving tea, Imma go have tea with the fairies 😀 Come join me if you’d like to 😉

❤

Show Them You’re All Grown Up.

 

I feel like utter shite, but I’m taking that comically today,

today is the last day and tomorrow is the start of half term, I mean revision all week at home in peace,

I want to be hyper today so Imma just ah go and have more cups of coffee, wear something that makes me feel good and smile my ass off, not going to let anything get to me today, I’m already in a down mood, I don’t need more,

so this song, is like, the teen dream and all that crap :’) also it took me ages to figure out the lyrics even though I’ve heard it several times on friends’ phones.

I feel like I just need to chill my beans, because yesterday I put myself in an awful mood,

I should just stop. Live instead of letting life carry me along like a dead fish.

So that’s my plan people, hope you guys are feeling better than I am! ❤

LET’S HAVE SOME FUN!!!! AND SOME CAKE!!!!

 

It Was Fine…For Like 10 Seconds.

You know those 10 seconds of utter peace after you wake up and you forget everything about life?

That was bliss,

then it hit me, EXAM today :’) then it also hit me, Madressa work to do, (I have not done it)

and yet here I am, blogging.