I am me. I will always be me. But I will change, that is indeed inevitable. It is not to be frowned upon, it is life. I will be a different me tomorrow, but still I will be me.
I went to the library yesterday (my heart fluttered looking at all the books I have yet to read XD) I got around 5 books, I know, not enough, 100 would not be enough, but I have to think sensibly, because SCHOOL and whatever else teen life insists of me, that makes it impossible to have time to read,
I feel young! I feel so young! And yet so wise! O_O I feel amazing and yet still down, somewhere deep inside.
See the thing is, for the past what 3 years of my life? I’ve known something is not quite right inside my head, but then who really is? Right in the head I mean,
My friends told me to go see a psychiatrist, but I really don’t want to waste anyone’s time or the government’s funding, now this is not the point, I will not go on to ramble about stupidity and the past,
The point is I have fixed myself over and over and over again,
No matter how many times I’ve collapsed I’ve continuously picked myself up, be that with help or without it, (even though I have not a clue what is wrong with me, and would not like to talk about since then I’ll start worrying,)
And that is what I am currently in the midst of, fixing myself, yet again!
Since yeah, I’m having bad thoughts again, yayyyy -_- But I’m trying not to indulge in them, I’m trying to keep myself floating, on top of the sea, concentrating on not drowning, but swimming to shore.
I have recently had a wave of spiritual wooh and idk how to explain it, I miss prayers, I cuss way too much, I’m not exactly the best Muslim in the universe,
but still, I feel this pull inside, like there’s something more, more to life that just doing, you know what I mean?
You may not understand me but meh, all athiests in the house go yeaaaah,
I have this constant narrative in my head, I actually wonder if anyone else does, it’s a narrative of everything, I adore it and loathe it, it’s like commentary in a silent room, you don’t need it but it lightens up the atmoshpere,
anywho, I’m spending this weekend being a teenager! Hazzah! I have an actual life!
I spent all day yesterday going out, to the library, then shopping for birthday gifts, then the radio show, then out to eat with the family,
The family outing WAS SHITE! I hated it, since there were 11 of us we had to wait ‘half an hour’ which turned out to be AN HOUR, when we actually got a table, I didn’t have enough space for my frakkin arms, the waiters/waitresses were pratty and annoying, not welcoming AT ALL, the only thing nice was the food, even then, it was shit too expensive
£1.20 FOR A COKE! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! A COKE THAT IS AROUND 250ml AT THAT!!!!
-_- people,
Today I am supposed to do homework and revision like a good year 11 student who has exams in 5 months, but I literally spent my morning in bed reading THIS AMAZING BOOK, and only came downstairs to eat breakfast 🙂 at 12pm 🙂 hey! It’s sunday! Gimme a break!
I slept too late last night, but I am fixing myself, so shutup demons, I slept at 1:30 am due to fast and furious being on TV (THE FIRST ONE IS JUST BAE), that may not be late to you, but I am a baby that sleeps at 10pm at most on weekdays, so I am still shit tired, but to be honest which teenager isn’t? Which adult isn’t truthfully always shit tired?
I am shit tired, but have a ton of crap to do because I finally got myself a life!
So what am I doing? Blogging! hahaha -_- so productive,
I must go now, so have a good day everyone!
adios ❤
Enigma 